9 Proven Signs You're Awkward AF

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So, I'm rolling with today's suggestion and put a twist on it. NINE PROVEN SIGNS YOU'RE AWKWARD AF.. As an awkward person, I consider myself somewhat of an expert on this topic.

So here's how you know you're awkward:

1. You can't be too adventurous. Us awkward people gotta plan our every move so we don't suffer a misstep. You can't throw a wrench in our plan!

2. Don't expect a quick comeback. My weird-as-hell brain tends to go to odd places. Just see this post about me reading a Groupon code.

3. Dancing took some time to master (if it happened at all). Personally, I've stopped caring how I look. I understand I'm a white girl and dance like one, and I wear that with pride. (Isn't it about having fun, after all? If someone acts like a d-bag because you're having a good time, well, they just cemented their d-bag status.)

4. Learning to date is hell. Apparently there are all these unspoken rules about what you can and cannot say, and I tended to stick to the "cannot say" things. I also sputtered some interesting new words. Once I tried to tease a love interest about being white and pale. I ended up calling him "whale." Other interesting fuckups: sent texts directed to the wrong person, gave TMI about feminine probs, and spazzed out to the point I got dumped. Yeehaw!

5. Reading aloud is the hardest damn thing ever. It's like that time I went hiking. Constant tripping over my words, stuttering, and interesting new words (read above). Not to mention my mouth dries up and my mouth starts clicking. Have you had that happen? It's. hell.

6. Networking = no. No, just no. No small talk, no talking about myself, no pretending to care about what you do. Just no.

7. You always say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Like that time I asked my boss if he wanted "sloppy seconds" in regards to my uneaten Indian food. Also, nervous laughter when someone tells you someone close to them died. IT'S NERVOUS LAUGHTER; IT'S NOT REAL.

8. Meeting new people blows. Like, how do I know that you'll be okay with my bad jokes? That's why social media is a safe haven.

9. You let things happen to you. Ever ordered anything, get the wrong order, and just roll with it because you're not assertive? And if you ARE assertive, you just plain suck at it? I know I have!


So there you have it! There are of course many, many more, but I want to hear: What awkward habits do YOU bring to the table?