Awkward Moment #578

Let me clear something up from the get-go: I’m not intimidated by successful women. Rather, I’m intimidated by people who have the power to not just fire me, but eliminate my department. So upper-level execs tend to terrify me.

This is essential background information to my awkward moment of the day. So, we have a new Chief Marketing Officer. She is very upbeat, human, and generally not terrifying at all. But at the same time, I cannot for the life of me have a normal encounter with her.

We were both in the bathroom one day and emerged from the stalls at the same time. We washed our hands side by side. I have this strange mental block when it comes to talking in the bathroom, so when she asked how I was, I probably came across as a cold bitch with my short responses. (And let’s be real, it’s disarming to talk with an executive after doing ya biz, amiright?)

And just last week, she had a meeting with the Marketing department complete with a celebration of our accomplishments and…cake balls! Now that’s nice. I wanted to tell her so.

That’s why when she was walking past my cubicle…at the same time I was leaving it…and we almost COLLIDED, the following exchange went down:

CMO, laughing good-naturedly: “Oh, I’m sorry!”

Me, laughing nervously: “Haww…THANKS FOR THE CAKE BALLS!”

I even did an awkward pointing hand motion, like “HEYYY.” (I’m reenacting this in my chair, and I don’t know how to describe it, but you’ll have to ask me for it sometime.)

God, any normal person would say, “Excuse me,” or “Sorry about that.” Instead I laughed like a dork and said THANKS FOR THE CAKE BALLS while pointing and guffawing.

The worst part? The same collision happened the next day, and I shouted from around the corner, “We just always bump into each other!”

She managed a small smile.

…I’m totally gonna be fired.