5 Things That Make Me Uncomfortable

As the queen of awkwardness, it’s hard to narrow down the situations that make me most uncomfortable. But I saw this topic on TheLady Okie’s blog and the result was too hilarious. On that note, I have to steal a couple of her answers because she speaks the gospel. So…sorry for the lack of originality.

1. Hugging
   
   I’m sure Freud would have a field day psychoanalyzing me on this one. I guess I never grew up in a super “huggy” family; our love language is taking tequila shots together (seriously). I’m also not from the South. So when I came to Texas, I was more than a little bewildered.

I lack practice and I’m also stiff. People think I hate them, but really, I avoid hugs so people don’t know I’m the world’s worst hugger. And you know what? Texas isn’t a very friendly society to non-huggers. I’ve been called out and harassed by crunchy yoga teachers who don’t let you leave the class without a hug. WHY hug while we’re drenched in sweat from hot yoga?

But that’s another story.

Bottom line: People, it ain’t you, it’s me. I'll still hug you if you initiate...but I’ll probably hide so I don’t have to. Compromise: I propose we show our love by taking tequila shots or making fun of people together.

2. Knowing when to say hi

This is the most Seinfeld thing about me. Don’t you hate running into an acquaintance and wondering if you should say hi, simply grin, or give a half-assed half-smile? I usually avoid the situation altogether and whip out my cell phone. “Oh, sorry, something SUPER engrossing just appeared on my news feed. Tooootally didn’t notice you.”

I also don’t know if I should say hi to the receptionists or not at work. When I started, I made a habit of saying hi on my way in. But then some mornings I felt antisocial. I couldn’t just STOP, could I? Not after saying hi every morning for the past 50 days!  Solution? I decided to take another entrance to work.

3. Going to parties where I know no one/have to meet people the first time
   
   Small talk ain’t my strong suit. I always want to rush intimacy. My catch phrase when I’m drunk is, “Hi, I’m Ashley and I want to know your deepest darkest secret.” So yeah, that doesn’t always go over well. I try to stumble through “normal” conversations…but usually (always) fail miserably.
   
   At a work party for one of our new web developers, I went up to her and said, “Tell me 5 fun facts about you.” Kind of intense, right? She thought so!
   
   So, please, don’t leave me alone at a party where I have to get to know someone. It’s hella fail.
   
   
4. Sickness.

Don’t ever tell me you “feel like you’re getting sick.” Wait—I take that back. Do tell me so I can shun you.

I’m a germaphobe and a hypochondriac. I WILL die from the flu; it’s a matter of time. (To be fair, I have an autoimmune disease and shit can escalate quickly.) But I’m still kind of psycho about it.

5. Telephones
   
   

Don’t you love being unable to take physical cues while constantly interrupting one another? That’s all I experience on the telly. And I sound like Ben Stein, so I can’t ever convey my true emotions. I rely on my face for that. BUT YOU CAN’T SEE WHILE WE’RE ON THE PHONE. D’oh.

Even worse is when someone calls me unexpectedly. I HAVE TO PLAN WHAT I’M GOING TO SAY, DARN IT. I’ve totally written a script for phone calls with clients before. Don’t judge.

Now that you think I’m pathetic, let’s get on equal ground here. What 5 things make YOU uncomfortable? (Tell me omg I feel so vulnerable now.)